Okay, let's see how this goes :)If you have something that you want to know, a question or issue emotionally, ask... and we'll see if I can give you an answer that is useful to you.
I have no training, no background, and no license or professional experience. This is just my personal opinion and insights.
If the information works for you, great. If it doesn't, don't use it.
Always check it out with your own gut instincts first to see if it feels right for you.
If I can be of service to you, I will try.
It's only feedback, yet there are lots of people who assisted me/gave me information bridges with things. Maybe I can return the favor :)
"Genuine. Sometimes I'm a genuine sweetheart. Sometimes I'm a genuine..." (author - me)
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54 comments:
ooo - I have one. My therapist wants to know (and I don't have an intuitive or logical answer for her) how much of my fatigue is 'fatigue manufactured for the purpose of avoidance' (i.e. I get tired in order to avoid doing work or whatever else I want to avoid in life) and how much is just a 'health' issue (i.e. I'm tired b/c I'm not really eating enough or not eating the right foods or i have an undiagnosed thyroid issue, etc. etc.)
So.. see what magic you can work without knowing me at all.
;-D
[don't worry, I don't really expect anything profound]
Hope you had a good break! Welcome back.
HappyOrganist : (*Light* for your highest good and the highest good of all.)
You have already answered your own questions by the 5 suggestions...
If you want to test your theories out, find one thing/errand/task that you know you NEED or HAVE to do - and immediately see how long it takes you to either get mentally or physically fatigued at the thought of it.
Then find one thing you WANT or ore looking forward to doing - and immediately see how much energy you have to see that one thing through.
Resentment or obligation or unwillingness often drain us, whereas pleasure often motivates us.
Then on a different day, eat in a way that benefits your health -
Try eating 5 small meals between 2 - 3 hours apart (300 calories total) of mostly protein and vegetables and only fruit for your sugar.
Your carbs (oatmeal made from scratch is great, or a half-cup of steamed brown rice) should be first thing in the morning, ideally, rather than later on in the day or evening.
Drink lots of water.
See how your energy feels at the end of the day.
If you are eating enough (meaning regularly) and eating the fuel that your body prefers, you will feel a positive difference compared to when you are punishing your body by starving it - or giving it the fatty/carb laden things that taste good but drag your system down and make you feel tired and bloated..
I'd also suggest for the third day some form of exercise for at least a half hour. A walk, an easy swim, a stretching class or bicycle ride, something, anything you enjoy that will keep your body moving.
These all benefit your energy.
If you try all of those - and STILL are fatigued, then by all means go to your doctor and get a blood test to check your thyroid levels.
(You also didn't say if you are taking any prescriptions or recreational drugs that have a side effect of fatigue - or if you are drinking alcohol, which is also a depressant and can make you feel tired.)
However, I suspect that your fatigue has its base in emotions, and that fear of facing something has let you block addressing it by being tired and unable to address it yet.
When you don't love yourself, you have a tendency to punish yourself, either emotionally or physically or both.
Remember the very happiest moment in your life ? Did that flood you with a feeling of energy in that moment ?
So much of our energy reserves can come from our focus...
Be determined, be brave, and ask your inner self for energy as if you really mean it - at the beginning of each day and throughout the day. And ask again. And again. Your body will respond, even if for a short time and in a small way.
Baby steps...
I think you have the answers - and can confirm them :)
*Blessings to you*
no questions, just want to say hello!
smiles, bee
xxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
wow, you're really good at this (and as talkative as I am). thanks ;-)
and no, I don't use recreational drugs. and I do try to stick to fruit for sugar (even avoid juices, actually).. anyway. that was fun.
maybe I'll let you know (after a nap this afternoon) (well that - or 3 days later)
I did have my thyroid checked (and blood sugar, general blood stats, etc) 3 years ago. They all checked out ok (I have wonderful cholesterol levels).
hmm.. well I will see what I can come up with. (I really don't want to!) sometimes I wonder if that's my answer..
Here's one: So much of what I think and do is governed by fear. When I was 4 years old, I was afraid to come out because of bees in the yard. In some ways, I'm still that scared little boy. Is it normal for a 50-year old man (or woman) to be so fearful?
Rocketman : (*Light* for your highest good and the highest good of all.)
It has been your normal, and that is all that matters...
Fear has been termed 'fantasized expectations appearing real'...
Often then the fear and accompanying worry will paralyze you from taking action about something that is in any way new or unfamiliar, so in some way you feel protected by not making decisions...
You have made the fear work for you up to now.
Whether you choose to continue to or not is a different issue, even in your thoughts.
Draw on your inner resources and imagine not the worst case scenario, but one where the outcome is neutral, and then one that is positive.
Re-train your imagination with just with one thing, the least risky of all the fears. One small, doable thing.
One success may well lead to another :)
*Blessings to you*
I have a question for you: my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up in december. He says he jsut wants to be friends right now, but would like to keep in touch and see where it goes. He still says he loves me and is not over me, but doesn't think that jumping back into the relationship would be the best and healthiest thing to do. We recently spoke and he offerend a no strings attached relationship of friendship to see if we could reconnect, but didn't want to put a pre-determiend road for us. When I asked what would happen if he met somebody, his answer was "I don't know". I told him I couldn't do that b/c I thought it wasn't respectful to me or healthy since I knew I still loved him and would have wanted to work it out together. He still keeps in touch ocassionally and recently sent me a book as a gift. I guess my question is what is your perspective on all of this? thank you...
Anonymous : (*Light* for your highest good and the highest good of all.)
While you have described what he said, you haven't said what caused the breakup - what you did, and what he did, and what ultimately were the various issues that made one or both of you unhappy enough to end things after 3 years together.
There is a red flag here somewhere, but not enough information to go on.
I'd be jumping to conclusions that may not be fair to you or fair to him without knowing more.
The best resource of all for you may be at http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/category/breaking-up/
*Blessings to you*
Annie,
I love the picture of the hummingbird on your vacationing post. Native American legend states that hummingbirds are the most celestial expression of pure love. It is nice to know you are Loving Annie while you are taking a break from blogging.
love you,
Robin Alexis
My question is what to do w/my husband who is so critical of me. W/out going into a lot of past details we dated in high school through our early 20's. I broke it off because he was seeing someone else. Then a little over 4 years ago he got in contact w/me and we married shortly after. He seemed to be different. He no longer cheats but he is still so critical of everything I do. All I seem to hear is the reason I'm not good at something. I was so strong before we got back together and now I feel like I'm a failure. I gave up a scholarship to the Culinary Institute of America for this marriage. I love him and I know he loves me. But I have given up all the things I liked to do to make room for his interests. His excuse that I can't do things is that my brain is wired funny. And I shouldn't be retarded. The last straw was yesterday when he said it was good I didn't become a chef. I would suck.
Any insite would be great. Thanks.
Beth, why did you marry this guy? He sounds like a jerk. giving up ALL your dreams for his interests? and all that verbal abuse? I watched my mother be married to that for years. (I don't have any advice, though.)
Wow- I like this. And I have a question about something that I know you have mastered. It's about keeping a tidy house. I'm SO much better than I used to be. But there seems to be a weird problem that runs in my family. My sister has had a lifelong problem with being an outrageous slob- it cost her a marriage- and I have had the same problem. I have progressed to the point where my house is now presentable, although I still have to fuss for several hours before people come over.
I'd rather keep it at a high level of orderliness at all times, so that scrambling around like a madwoman before guests arrive is no longer necessary. Do you think there are psychological reasons why people have this problem? I never had to pick up after myself growing up- my mother and Gram did it for me- so I never learned good habits.
As a possible Part B to this- do you think tidiness and eating habits are connected? My sister is also a terrible glutton, and has been obese since she left home at age 18. I also overeat a lot, and although I jog, I want to lose weight but lack motivation.
I suspect that the 2 issues are connected, and I'd love to hear your take on that, plus any words of inspiration or motivation that you might have to offer.
Thanks for your generosity!
Hugs,
Betty
Annie, what a lovely idea !
You might even want to start a separate "Ask Annie Blog"...
Hugs xo
Dear Abby watch out!
A Girl : Thank you - so glad you enjoyed eating at The Square recently ! Chef is awesome !
Bee : Hello back, and hope that you and Sarge are having a good week :) How are his knees doing ?
Robin : Thank you :) And yes :) Love back to you !
Beth : (*Light* for your highest good and the highest good of all.)
Beth : Someone who loves you encourages you, believes in you, appreciates you and respects your heart.
A cheater has little regard for your heart. Although your husband may not cheat anymore, that attitude of disregard still seems to exist in him.
That feels painful.
Being criticized does not feel loving to me, nor I suspect does it to you..
Yet you have a dynamic where you allow him to be emotionally cruel to you "all I hear is the reason I'm not good at something" - and then you in turn are emotionally cruel to yourself "now I feel like I'm a failure."
That feels so painful.
You gave up your dream FOR THE TIME BEING of becoming a Chef and going to the Culinary Institute. (clearly you were VERY good - they don't offer their few coveted scholarships to anyone who isn't :)
That too feels painful.
It seems as though you have given up on not just your interests, but on yourself with this relationship.
My empathy.
Someone who loves you encourages you, supports you emotionally, and respects your heart.
You asked me what to do WITH your husband. However, I think the focus initially should focus on you.
This really isn't about him as much as it is learning healthy boundaries, and what you are willing to listen to and how you are willing to be treated.
It means you must come to value yourself, Beth. To have a definition of love that includes loving, respecting, and taking good care of yourself emotionally, where ongoing pain is not part of the equation.
Self-esteem, self-confidence and self-respect are unlikely to flourish unless you make them a priority. And you can :)
Don't take his cruelty as truth or fact. They are simply unkind words, and say more about him and who he is than they say about you.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk is awesome for relationship issues like what you are describing.
NML posts a few times a week, and I think what she has to say would be hugely useful to you.
*Blessings to you*
Betty : (*Light* for your highest good and the highest good of all.)
First, congratulations on being neater now than in the past, and showing yourself that you have improved in an area you focused on and felt was important.
And I know that you have a son, and clutter comes with having a kid. It's part of the general package :)
Psychologically, clutter on some level symbolically represents being stuck. There is a level of ovewrwhelm that comes with it, a lack of ability to move freely. It correlates with having too much to do to get to the root of an issue, too much to look at or handle to get to the bottom or core of things.
Avoidance may be something that you have dealt with in other areas of your life.
You seem to be growing and increasing your comfort level with approaching things that you once left unsaid or undone or untried.
This may be the perfect transition into implementing more and more of the high levels or orderliness that demonstate that readiness to change.
Karen Kingston is a feng shui master who has awesome easy to read books on this called space clearing and clutter clearing.
And yes, weight is also holding on to things.
That lack of motivation towards tidying up your living space also extends to lack of motivation towards taking care of your body physically.
Lack of motivation can either come from fear or lack of real desire.
Sometimes people are more comfortable with being overweight than with tackling the emotions behind her comfort eating habits...
It takes discipline, willingness, a reasonable goal in a reasonable period of time, consistency and focus.
Which also applies to wanting to clean up your clutter :)
*Blessings to you*
Young Werther : Oh no ! Unh-unh. Nooooooo. Unless it's asking me a question about what lusciously lovely small hotel to stay in somehwere when you are traveling !
Kannon : Nah, her job is safe :)
I don't have a question right now...but I may take a rain check! Just wanted to say hi...hope you are having a lovely summer!
Caroline : Hello and happy Wednesday to you :) The summer is going well. Hope that yours is too.
Tallgrass : Thank you, and no :)
No question - just wanted to say I'm glad to see you return!
Dear Annie,
Thank you for your incredible wisdom on my questions. I am on my way now to pick up a Karen Kingston book!
Hugs,
Betty
Lindsray : Hi :) How are you and your honey doing ?
Betty : You are so welcome. I'm so glad it was useful to you :)
I have a question ...
I'm playing Go Fish with my son and I have a 4, a 6 and a queen and was wondering which one you think I should ask him if he has?
If you could answer in the next 6 or 7 seconds that would be great. He isn't very patient. :)
Maybe we should start calling you Loving Annie Landers. :)
Hi Annie,
Thanks for all the comments on my blog, and maybe you can post a picture of Flopsy someday. I love my dad's cat, she has been a wonderful companion to my dad.
I have a bunch of questions for you, but I think you would have to meet me in person to get a vibe off me. Unless you are very intuitive person.
Anyway, yeah, I would have a ton of questions.
Dante : You crack me up, such a smart-ass (lol). Hope you and Tigger and son have a great weekend.
Senorita : You are welcome, and there is a picture of Flopsy in one of my posts within the last month...
And you give a great deal away on your blog, so it'd be pretty easy to have SOME intuition answering a question from you - but being in person ALWAYS gives you more info. !
Promises were made- promises that encompass lifetimes. And then things change, people grow, life actually happens and you're not who you were when those promises were made. Then the promises become chains.
The question isn't how to get out of the promises, but how to live with them now.
Hi Annie,
Haha, I forgot for a second that I have a blog, and you're right. I do give a lot away. So I will think of a good question.
Senorita : Looking forward to your question when you have one :)
Anonymous : (trying to listen and hear, with my attention and eyes fixed on yours, searching your expressions and listening to the fluctuations in your voice)
Ah sugar... How can you do the right thing - for everybody but yourself ?
Isn't it possible that you can love and respect and honor someone - and yet not be able to happily live with them... That those 2 apparently opposing things can still be true ?
I'd hate to see you live your life in chains.
(With all due respect and a smidgeon of smart-ass, may I say that martyrdom pretty much sucks with teeth.)
If the first choice of getting out of the promises is unacceptable.
And the second choice of how to live with those promises now seems unanswerable sometimes...
Could there be yet a third choice -- to renegotiate them ?
And if not... if those promises are immutable and fixed in stone, if the world is only black or white according to someone else's perspective... or your own view of who you are is so hard on yourself otherwise...
How do you live with that aching loneliness, a sacrifice built on good intention, yet that that now leaves you feeling as you do ?
The sweetest thing in the world (well, one of them) is that feeling of being understood, of being known and seen; of being in simpatico together with how you think and view the world, of growing together, looking in the same direction even as you are separate..
My empathy...
no questions for me, annie. just popping in to say hi. i see from your previous post you are taking your blog in a new direction. sounds great! change is good and refreshing for our soul. be well.
:)
I read your response. The edited response.
You asked the very question I am asking. "How do you live with that aching loneliness, a sacrifice built on good intention, yet that that now leaves you feeling as you do?"
I listen for the answer but hear nothing but the tall grasses blowing in the breeze and the faint buzz of a humingbird.
Namaste : Hello back and Thank you... :) Hope that all is well with you and your girls.
Anonymous : What you are hearing is that what you are doing isn't working... That very silence which speaks so loudly is an answer that affirms the loneliness of the choices you've made and are making. You live with it, lonely...
When something is truly good for you, when it feels right and clean and true you feel a sense of freedom rather than a sense of heaviness.
Self-destructive choices always feel somewhat icky, even if you are telling yourself you have to make them, or that it is right to make them.
Depends whether you see life as being one where you are supposed to live with loneliness and disconnect in your primary partnerships - or not.
I'll venture to guess you'll reiterate you're staying for the kids. But if that really truly is the right thing for you, then wouldn't it make you happier ?
And if it isn't, it just leaves you with things to think about.
Well answered. I guess I have things to think about.
Hi Annie, Just stopped by to say hello.
This is a fabulous idea! I'm enjoying it very much.
xo
Where are you! You are missed.
Anonymous : You illustrated the point perfectly in your Release post today. When the crucial questions are answered, the rest is indeed catharsis...
Joanna : I'm glad you like it - it is fun for me too, and I hope people find the answers useful and keep asking the questions :)
Mark : You're a sweetie - this is my last post here for a while. I will keep answering questions as long as people keep stopping by and asking them.
As to regular blog stuff, I'm just lurking here and there, taking a break from commenting.
Hope all is well with you, and blessings and hugs to you and yours :)
Why if someone doesn't want to ressume a relationship with you, continue to be around? Why if according to him, he still loves me but cannot be in a relationship now...why does he keep calling my family during bdays? let me know via email his aunt has cancer? why does he send me a book in the mail...that has no hidden meaning? why does he keep lingering in my life, if he doesn't want to share his with me?
Anonymous from 3:24 p.m. : (*Light for your highest good and the highest good of all.)
Because he still wants the ego stroke of your care and attention.
It's about satisfying his needs and wants - not yours.
There is no such thing as can't be in a relationship now - that translates to chooses not to be in one - with you.
Please if these words are painful know that they are meant to expose his b.s. and for that reason only, to prevent him from using words to manipulate you think there is hope at a later date.
He is selfish and doesn't deserve you to care about him when he isn't exhibiting the same care about you on a daily basis.
NO CONTACT.
It might be hard or hurt right now to do this, and yet if you feel like you'll be lonely without him lingering - know that you are lonely now anyway...
He has emotionally abandoned you. Why continue to emotionally invest in him, cooperating on some level with him feeling like he can only offer you crumbs and it is okay.
It ISN'T okay. NO CONTACT.
NML at http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk has many wonderful articles that address just this issue.
*Blessings to you*
Loving Annie...It does hurt...I do not understand...its like he changed from one day to the next...you are right I am lonely now...i miss him. I haven't answered his email regarding his aunt...so I guess that is the beginning of no contact rule...yet I feel so guilty about that since she has cancer...but I haven't answered him. I know what I am feeling goes back to my own feelings of being unlovable...but then why does he keep saying he loves me that he is not over me? I don't want to keep hurting, anymore...
thank you for your honesty loving annie...it hurts, but it helps....
Anonymous at 4:15 : (*Light for your highest good and the highest good of all*)
You are welcome. I am glad it helps, and also know that you are already starting to figure this out.
That it is not about him, as much as you. That's why NML's site is so useful. She really gives you the tools to start changing, grow a strong backbone, and see things clearly.
The strong part of you already knows that when you love yourself -- your self-esteem, self-respect and self-confidence allow you to have healthy boundaries that make NO CONTACT have perfect sense.
He jerks you around only because he CAN.
He can't yank your heartstrings for an ego stroke without your cooperation.
If he loved you, he'd be around, period.
When you truly want to stop hurting, you'll continue doing more work on yourself, the work all of us need to do to become whole...
Until then, you'll think he is the one to end your pain or give you joy, that the power is up to him...
And it isn't. You have to choose, each time, every day, to make the conscious choices and the decisions that will support you, rather than the self-destructive impulses of old habits...
*Blessings to you*
I'm back for more, Annie. I am forever frustrated with a friend who is also a co-worker. Over the years, I have learned to not expect anything from him, and that's the only way I can be friends with him. He's gay, and sometimes he acts like a real friend, but he is also very self- centered. We used to car pool but I finally got smart about that and realized that although it was good for the environment and my gas bill, it was not good to be forced into a daily situation with a moody, self-absorbed, intolerant person.
What do you think of the concept of a friendship with NO expectations? I mean, I don't even expect him to act civil. Sometimes, though, if I'm in anything less than a perfect state of mind, that can be challenging.
I've been distracted, not myself, at work this week following some bad news about my sister's health. He actually threw that in my face today! He viciously accused me of being upset about my sister!
I am confused. I do have to work closely with this person, and sometimes I can't stand him. Yet at times we've been close.
Any clarity you can offer will be appreciated.
Thank you.
Hugs,
Betty
Betty : (*Light for your highest good and the highest good of all*)
I'm sorry to hear about your sister's health... No wonder you were distracted and upset this week - anyone who cared would be concerned about their sibling.
A friendship without expectations is impossible.
Any kind of a relationship has certain expectations of behavior, be they good or bad.
In either case, you have internal subliminal responses to that behavior, meaning your body reacts with either tension or relaxation.
You know this man is not pleasant to be around, based upon your history with him.
The confusion may only come in becomes sometimes you have felt more comfortable with him and wondered why.
People aren't ALWAYS a**clowns, and when you were close may have been some of those moments. Doesn't change who he is.
Then there is the issue of your feeling frustrated. He does not sound like a friend, and I think in your gut you know that, "I don't even expect him to act civil" yet you've tried to have a friendship anyway, possibly because he was a co-worker.
If you have to work closely with him, the best thing I could suggest would be to call him on his stuff immediately when he does it.
If he makes a nasty remark, tell him immediately "that remark was nasty." Then let it go.
If he starts to go off on you to avoid taking responsibility or arguing, say "stick to the issue, which was the remark you made."
Hold firm on your boundaries, Betty, and don't let him push you around.
You can be polite and definite at the same time.
Some people are VERY hard to be zen-buddha around. That takes being able to know that the person's issues/acting out has nothing to do with you.
And when you see it, it's a very good time for your boundaries to come into play.
In this case, refuse to let him rile you up by calling him on his behavior right when he does it.
That'll let your feelings be known and keep the frustration from building up - and also let him know he can't pull it because you're holding him accountable for what comes out of his mouth.
He won't like it, but that's not the point - the point is YOU feel better and not walked on by a "friend" who isn't behaving like a friend.
((hugs))
*Blessings to you*
Dear Annie,
Thank you for your prompt reply. Already this morning things have been stirred up again with this co-worker (I'm not calling him a friend anymore). He sent me a very snotty email which I just read.
A friendship without expectations is impossible- indeed you are right. That's why it hasn't been working.
I'm going to set a boundary right now with him, via email. There's no reason I have to allow mistreatment.
Thank you for your wisdom, Annie, and for being available when I needed insight!
Hugs,
Betty
Betty : (*Light for your highest good and the highest good of all*)
Exactly - Good for you. You do not deserve mistreatment and you show that by your words & actions, which in turn, reinforces your self-esteem. And you are welcome... Hope that you and your son have a nice weekend. Hugs back :)
*Blessings to you*
You have a license to care, to love unconditionally and to accept everyone as they are. This qualifies you to do anything you need to do and more thatn you realize or understand at this moment.
Dear Liara : (*light for your highest good and the highest good of all*)
You are so sweet... Your focus is true, and you are right...
I have a LOT to learn. Glad school is in session :)
*Blessings to you*
You may find it intriguing that a Canadian restaurant-reviewing journalist is on a journey across Canada dating men looking for Mr. Right. As she eats out, reviews food, and takes in the ambiance, she is learning a lot about her true self in the process. Check out posts about Sarah Rowland.
Good Sunday evening to you, Liara.
Found the link -
http://indiegirl.lavalife.com/
Dating 70 guys in 70 days to try to find her Mr. Right... well, I give her credit for taking action. She knows what she wants and she's certianly putting that out there to the Universe !
I'll check her blog out a bit tomorrow...
I love this concept Annie and am so happy to be seeing you healthy and strong enough in your own right to be able to give something back.
*much love*
Dr. Brainiac : Thank you... You've been there since the beginning... Isn't it nice to see someone leaving the nest and flying ?
How are things at home in this heat ? What is the girl up to ?
How is work going for you so far ?
((hugs)) and if I ever get to Texas... we will definitely hang out !
Whew, I didn't get notification that you were back until this morning. Glad to see you. I'll wait to ask my question until things calm down for you.
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